"These images are from my series “Locked-In,” which explores the phenomenon of feeling stuck and the sense of failure to control the forces that seem to dictate our lives. The metaphor and imagery used suggest the inability to move on and a perceived futility of each day. Self-portraiture reflects not only a personal journey, but also a common experience of women who feel consciously aware of what they should pursue or speak up about but feel impotent in the face of a dominant power: unequal relationships, demons residing in the subconscious, societal expectations and especially the disappearance of relevancy with encroaching age." — Susan Borowitz
How did you start your journey in self-portraiture?
Divorced, anticipating the end of daily, hands-on mothering, and searching for a new purpose, I decided to study the practice of photography. I bought a rudimentary Micro Four Thirds Lumix and signed up for continuing ed at The International Center of Photography in New York City. There I met Joyce George, my most influential teacher, who was offering a class about developing a personal vision called “Finding Your Voice.” I’ve always had an eye for the surreal and she encouraged me to continue with that aesthetic while I fulfilled the assignment she gave me: self-portraiture. I absolutely hate having my picture taken, so I begged her to reconsider. She said, “The fact that you are so repelled by the idea means you must pursue it.” Intrigued by this logic, I delved into why having a camera trained on me was so threatening and realized that it made me feel exposed. So, I ran with that—I would use it to tell my innermost thoughts and feelings—some of which I could only express through the photographic medium since I didn’t even acknowledge them in my conscious mind. A long-time admirer of Cindy Sherman, I recognized that by playing a character, as Sherman always does, I could separate myself from my most painful feelings just enough to allow the truth to be revealed. By acting a part, I could be more honest.
I built up a portfolio of these images that seemed to have only one thing in common: they were self-portraits. At the time I was too close to read the message my subconscious was trying to tell me.
My previous career was comedy writing and I’ve always had a comic take on life, so I incorporated humor into my work. Feeling a bit adrift and obsolete after my youngest child went off to college, I resolved to express my emotions through a series I called “Empty Nest,” a comic yet heartfelt story of a woman who becomes unhinged once her kids leave and attempts to continue her life as the indispensable mommy with mannequins, cuts of raw meat and finally a dog. It was imperative that the series was done as a sequence of self-portraits as these feelings that I was trying to translate were mine. I felt these pangs of abandonment, I had these sensations of wanting time to stop—self-portraiture seemed the only honest way to artistically express these emotions.
When I completed that series and was trying to devise another project, I started looking through my old self-portrait portfolio from my class and then it hit me: the common thread that connected all my images was the sense of feeling stuck in life. My subconscious was in charge when I made those photographs and years later, I finally could read its message: I have, deep inside of me, these feelings of paralysis which I had to explore. The result is my series “Locked-In,” and I have since focused on the subconscious and psychological journeys in my art, using self-portraiture as a stand-in for the everywoman, as well as a reflection of my own experience.
What inspires you the most about self-portraiture?
On the practical side, as opposed to models, I’m always available and my fee is very low. There have been many shoots where upon reviewing what I captured, I realized I needed to do it all over again. When it’s just me, that’s a much easier proposition, especially when it involves traveling to a distant or inhospitable site.
Solitude also has a lot to do with my choice to use self-portraiture. Making images that tell my personal psychological stories by myself is an exhilarating, almost drug-induced experience. I’m totally within my own head with ideas bursting into a myriad of other ideas. That releases a lot of dopamine. As a writer, I’m accustomed to using words to describe my thoughts, but when I’m in photographer mode, I prefer just to work with the pictures in my head—the emotions that are not diluted by language. During a shoot I experiment with many different expressions to convey my message—they come as I feel them, I don’t think too much about it. If I worked with a model, there would be an omnipresent wall between what I feel and what she understands. I don’t like having a middleman in my process.
How does working in self-portraiture make you feel?
Beyond serving as a mind-blowing drug, self-portraiture also gives me a sense of completeness. My ideas often come when I’m in the twilight of half-sleep, develop while I’m doing other things and then come to fruition upon the planning and action of a shoot. Being the sole contributor to the result feels unbelievably satisfying and gives me the pleasure of knowing that this piece of artwork is truly a piece of me. Does that make me feel vulnerable in light of how the work is perceived? Absolutely. When people get what I’m doing and appreciate it, that can feel tremendously rewarding and often nourishes my soul. If the reaction is negative, it can feel like a punch in the gut. Ultimately, I’ll take thoughtful criticism to heart and use it to improve, but just not right away. I may need a day or two to lick my wounds.
How would you describe your creative process?
My creative process is not at all linear. I first have to devise an idea, usually for a series, and that cannot come by directly thinking about it. My ideas always come full-blown into my head after I have subconsciously been ruminating on a thought, a problem, or an issue. It first appears as one, two or more images in my imagination which I then jot down in a notebook. After studying them, the theme emerges and then I’m off to the second part of my process.
Once I have a theme, I need to visualize the photographs that will illustrate it. I’ve found that if I let my subconscious run wild, images for my series just pop into my head. I sketch them out and let them sit for a while—to ferment, so to speak. When I return to them, I look at them with fresh eyes and sometimes the story isn’t clear. So, I’ll rethink it, or I’ll trash it.
Next comes the physical part of the creation of my staged images. Each image is a full production, as if I’m producing a scene in a movie. My experience as a Hollywood producer gives me skills and knowledge that help me achieve my desired final look, but it is still time-consuming and difficult since I must find locations, collect props, assemble wardrobe, do make-up and hair, and then go shoot when the weather and lighting match my vision for the picture. Sometimes I have an assistant if I can’t manage to do it all myself, but I try to make it a solitary venture, using my iPhone and the Canon app to work the camera remotely. I love working in solitude and getting lost in the process.
I far prefer shooting on location since the location is usually what inspires the photograph. I prefer natural light as well, so studio work is out of the question. When necessary, I’ll augment with off-camera speedlights, or more recently continuous lights, but if possible, I stay with the ambient lighting. The one drawback to shooting on location is that since I’m a bit of a perfectionist, if I don’t feel that I got everything right during a shoot, I will revisit the location in the right weather, lug all my props and wardrobe and try it again. Sometimes the reshoot can’t happen for another year because of accessibility of the location or the weather. So I wait.
The internet is very important in my process as I find locations online. For instance, I shot “No Vacancy” after finding information about the town of Belchite right outside of Zaragoza. I then planned to drive there on one of my trips to Barcelona, brought my props and had to negotiate with the caretaker who spoke as little English as I speak Spanish. Thank goodness for language apps. I found online an airplane graveyard in Bangkok for “Delayed.” I also found the dinghy that I used in “On the Hook” online and rented a truck, also online, to move it to a friend’s house. Other shots are more home-grown. In “Cycling” I took my bicycle out into the surf, steps from my home at the New Jersey shore, eliciting strange stares from local fishermen. At one point after getting knocked down, I almost got swept out to sea as I struggled against the tide to keep my bicycle. Each and every photograph is an adventure and each one tells a story behind the story. I’ve shot images in New York, New Jersey, Massachusetts, Pennsylvania, Chicago, Spain, Thailand, Dubai, Romania and Kazakhstan. I love that there’s a secret joke in the series: it’s about being stuck, but I’m traveling all over the world to create it.
I spend a good deal of time processing my photographs in Photoshop. Sometimes I take as many as 200+ shots just so I know I’m covered because having to return to a remote location with props and equipment is not fun. Back at my computer, I download my pictures and let them sit for several days or even weeks so I can get a fresh perspective. When I feel ready, I will “build” the image in photoshop and give it the final look that is typical of the series so that all the photos hang together as a complete work of art. If I feel that the first few photographs are worthy of a whole series, I continue the method of devising new images, and then shooting and processing them.
What are your goals as an artist working in self-portraiture?
Seeing that during the making of “Locked-In” I’ve been knocked down by a large wave in the ocean, stepped through a rusted metal trolley floor cutting my leg, dragged a cartload of heavy equipment one mile in a forest, sat in a snowstorm for an hour in a summer dress and stood on a crumbling staircase in roller skates, I’d have to say my primary goal is not to die.
Other than that, the most important goal for me is to create images that resonate with people who view them—especially other women who may see themselves in my everywoman—and give them a sense that they aren’t alone, that we all have demons that we battle. As long as I feel that I can achieve this with honesty, I’ll continue with self-portraiture. However, if I have ideas for images that would be best served without me in them, then I will stay behind the camera.
After a successful career writing for American sitcoms, including creating the international hit show “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air,” Susan Borowitz discovered photography as a new way to tell stories in 2011. Currently she practices Fine Art self-portraiture, expressing reflections of psychological journeys. Always viewing life through a comic lens, she has been described by Featureshoot as combining “the deadpan humor of Buster Keaton with the cultural critique of Cindy Sherman.” Her award-winning images have been exhibited in Germany, France, Italy, Spain, Hungary, as well as US galleries. (New York, South Carolina, Connecticut, Minnesota, New Jersey), and are in private collections in New York, Chicago, New Jersey, Tennessee and California.
CONNECT WITH SUSAN BOROWITZ:
Website: www.susanborowitzphoto.com
Instagram: @stuffdog2
IMAGE DETAILS:
All images are archival giclee prints.
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Danielle Rackowski - Gallery Director & Curator of Self Portraits On Fire / Self-Portrait Photo Artist